16 August 2009

saltwater buddha.

i read the saltwater buddha yesterday.
by jaimal yogis.
it was a wonderful read.
about his life's journey so far...
the kid is really spiritual...
buddhist.
he's also a surfer.
he ran away a few times to hawaii...
to find himself.
to hide from himself.
he's also lived in the sf bay area
and nyc.

a lot of things in the book reminded me of my own life.
well.. enough things, anyway.
he didnt seem happy in nyc.
neither did i.
i always feel like i'm the only one
who couldn't find happiness there.
guess i'm not.
he made me long for my times in the caribbean.
sand constantly in my shoes...
wind in my hair.
nose always peeling from too much sun.
i miss that.
a lot.
he spoke of a commune on one island...
and going to university on another.
i thought, i should do those things!
hawaii would be my puerto rico without the language barrier!
maybe...
someday.
for now...
i'm just struggling with thoughts of berkeley.
how am i really going to get back there??
my unemployment is fucking me.
my last check is next week.
then what??
do i try to spread it out....
while they continue to dick me around with my ny state shit??
do i say fuck it and get a job here in nh??
what am i going to do anyway??
work at wal-mart??
ugh.
i need to find out tomorrow what it is i need to do with school.
get my loan in check.
get that cash flowing...
i need to start swimming against the currents
instead of just sitting here ebbing and flowing.

anyway...
his book inspired me a bit.
now what??

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